Our loves final destination
by royalprincessbon
Summary: It all started as their regular cat and mouse chase. The moment he was caught and the kiss they shared; definitely not normal. Will Izaya's heart handle the feeling called love just fine, or will it break him apart? Bad summary is bad. Angst, Shizaya. Izaya POV.


Hello~ This is my first time posting a fanfic to this site, first time ever writing one too.

I apologize before hand about the OOCness in this fic. I know Izaya is supposed to be so emotionless and stuff but you know what, I think this is what he really thinks and feels. About Shizuo tho, I think I caught some of his badass personality.

**Disclaimer:** Durarara belong to the original author _bla bla blah_, at least let me dream goddammit!

Please review and tell me what you think.

「」 - Izaya's thoughts.

* * *

「As long as I can remember he's been the object of my hatred, for how could I ever feel something different for someone who was not even worth to be called a human? He was an animal, a violent and uncontrollable monster. No worth being loved, not by me, not by anyone... He are so different from the humans I love... They are so simple, so easy to predict and to control. I love them. I love them all. Despite all the times they have hurt me, despite all the times they have done me any harm... But with him, it's so different! With him my whole world gets turned upside down, one little word from him makes me weak in the knees, one little smile gives me a strange tingling in my stomach... Why...? Why is it only his harsh words that feels, why do I want to break into pieces when I get struck by his rough comments? Is it because he is the only one who is different from the rest, because he is the only black sheep in the meadow? Why do I always want to be by his side, why do I lust for his caress so desperately?  
Why did my feelings change into these?」

A furious cry forced away his thoughts.  
"I-za-ya!" It was him...  
A deep blush spread across Izaya's cheeks.

「Breath, try to focus! Don't let him see through you, do let him know about your true feelings...」

He pulled himself together quickly and let a big grin spread across his face when he turned around to face his love-object.  
"Ah, Shizu-chan... What a surprise!"  
He smiled towards the blonde man which had shouted his name. A growling sound rose from Shizuo's throat as he tore up a nearby lamppost with his inhumane strenght and threw it towards Izaya. The object passed a few inches from the ravens head.  
"I told you to stay away from Ikebukuro! Disappear!"  
The anger in Shizuo's voice could be heard from miles away, not that it bothered Izaya. It didn't bother him at all, at least not on the outside of his hard shell. Izaya's grin became wider, deeper.  
"I can't stay away from all these people, from all these wonderful, pathetic people..."

「That's not true! But the truth would make you avoid me, make you hate me even more... I can't possibly say that YOU're the one I can't stay away from...」

Izaya backed off when a wending machine came flying towards him, he swallowed hard standing behind the big machine and he realised that it had landed where he only a moment ago had been standing. He let his pocket knife slide down to his hand from it's hiding place in the sleeve of his fur coated jacket before he took a step forward. Only a few seconds later he dashed towards Shizuo with a drawn blade. His eyes radiated a cold and murderous rage, but they were also filled with a bitter, wounded expression.

「I want you to suffer as much as I'm suffering... I want to see your face twisted in pain, fear and grief... I want you to look at me! The real me!」

A flick with the wrist was all that was needed for Izaya to feel how the blade slid across Shizuo's chest. Blood trickled down from the open wound.  
"Tch..."  
Izaya stepped back.  
"I missed..."  
He let his gaze slide over the blade before he licked up the red liquid that accumulated on it.

「This is the closest I can get, the closest that I ever will get...」

Shizuos furious roar gave him goose-bumps.  
"I... I-za-ya! I will kill you..! Die, die, die... DIE! "  
He dashed towards Izaya.  
"Watch it..."  
The bartender-dressed figure chased after Izaya... Their daily game of cat and mouse through Ikebukuro had begun.

「I love you... I love you...」

The words was repeating themselves in Izayas head, echoing...

「I love you... I love you... I love...」

The words true meaning dawned on Izaya, as if a lightning bolt had struck from a crystal clear sky. His feelings... His hidden feelings was shouted out in his mind, louder and louder. Suddenly he felt how a hand took hold of him and how his body was pressed against a wall.

「I love you... I love you...」  
"I love you..."

The shocking expression on Shizuo's face made him realize that he had said the words out loud. His face became flushed.

"Ah! Ehm... I mean..."  
Izaya avoided to meet Shizuo's eyes, looked away from him. He felt how Shizuos grip around his hands became looser. Shizuo's former tensed posture loosened up and left him completely relaxed.

「Wh... Why is he still here...? Why isn't he avoiding me? Why is he not leaving? Just leave me alone!」  
Izaya's eyes widened sharply when something soft was pressed against his lips. Shizuo's lips.  
「Wha... What!?」

He tried to resist, in vain...

"Hnn... Stop..."  
He received no response from Shizuo, the only noticeable difference was that the earlier emotionless kisses grew more and more passionate, like if Shizuo's self-control was crushed to pieces.

「Why?! Why is he kissing me when he doesn't have any feelings for me?!」

It almost felt like if Shizuo had read his thoughts as he broke off the kiss and leaned closer to Izaya's ear.

"Don't you dare to believe that everyone are emotionless beasts that only wants to take advantage of you..."  
His tone was fierce, Shizuo was apparently annoyed. But Izaya knew that there was something more behind his appearance. Once more did Shizuos lips touch Izaya's. A light caress on his cheek, down his chest. The long awaited caress broke through Izayas bulletproof glass-cage. He gasped, and Shizuo took the opportunity to shove his tongue inside Izaya's mouth. Izaya responded immediately and moaned softly into their kiss. He enjoyed having the inside of his mouth caressed by the blondes hot moisture muscle.

"Shizu-chan..." The raven whispered as they broke of their kiss, gasping for air.  
Never before had he felt so aroused as in that particular moment, never had he ever wished that someone else would touch him, not in the way the older male was caressing his body. But at the same time a voice in his head started to whisper to him.

「"He will leave you when he is done. When his desires are soothed he will treat you like he normally does, like the goddamn flea you really are. You will be hated again once more... For how could anybody love someone like you? Do you really believe in that crap?!"」  
Izaya's own thoughts scared him, made him shiver and pools of water started to fill his eyes. He pushed away Shizuo and turned around.  
"I'm sorry... I can't do this..."

He ran away and left a confused Shizuo behind.

* * *

「I can't trust him, nor anyone else... Why can't I give him a chance?」

Izaya opened the door and walked out on the rooftop, he was alone...

「Why does the voice in my head say that it's no idea, that I'm bound to fail? Am I really sentenced to always walk alone? Doomed to never feel joy or happiness? My heart wants to refuse, trust him and stay by his side... But it's already to late... The victor is already decided, it has since long been the voice in my mind, and without power over my own thoughts I am doomed to walk in a constant darkness. A darkness so deep, so unbelievable bottomless that it's tearing on my power to live, on my lust for life... The only thing I'm still certain on is my feelings for him, the invincible feelings of missing him... Should I had written a letter, said goodbye?」

The tears ran down Izaya's cheeks. In a moment it all would be over... He looked out over the roof-edge, into the abyss that opened up for him.

"Shizuo... I'm sorry and farewell... I really love you..."

He whispered softly and swallowed hard, one step into the empty air would make him forget, make him disappear. He made himself ready, gathered the courage to take his own life...

Two strong arms embraced him.

"Please, don't do it... Don't leave me alone... I need you!"  
Shizuo spoke with a low, hoarse voice and Izaya felt how he trembled. His shoulder got wet, wet of what...?

「Is he crying? Is the strong and mighty Shizu-chan crying..? Is he crying because of me?」

Izaya turned around and looked up in Shizuos face, he actually cried... Shizuo looked so vulnerable, his face was twisted in fear and sorrow...

"Don't leave me... Stay with me! Don't disappear... Not now when my feelings finally are answered... Not when I know that it's mutal."  
A shocked Izaya pushed him away...  
"Do... Don't lie! I know that you're lying! There is no-one who likes me, even less loves me! What are you really after?!"  
Izayas voice cracked, it sounded like he was a teenage boy in the middle of puberty, when he screamed out his frustrated thoughts.  
"Money? A better reputation? To hurt me!?"

His tear-filled eyes widened sharply when Shizuo stepped forward and pulled Izaya towards him, away from the edge, and held him close.  
"I get if you're not trusting me... But I promise and swear that my feelings are no lie! My feelings for you are real! The only thing I'm after, and always have been after is you! Ever since we first met it has been you... I can't live without you, not anymore!"

Izaya nodded silently, all of his suspicions had been blown away... But the will to live on were gone since long...

"I... I can't continue like this, I can't live my life in darkness anymore... I'm sorry Shizuo..."  
Izaya slowly took small steps toward the edge.  
"Don't leave me alone! Izaya!"

Shizuo took two long steps and pulled Izaya close once more.

"If you can't stay, then take me with you! Don't just leave me behind! I love you, until death do us part..."  
Shizuo's voice was trembling when he whispered his feelings into Izayas ear.

"And, I love you... In this life and every life after this..."  
Izaya pressed his lips against Shizuo's, it was their last kiss...  
"I couldn't possibly wish for more than this..."

Izaya whispered before he took the last small step... Shizuo threw himself after him and the both clung to each other as they fell towards the ground, towards their sweet death...


End file.
